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Monday, October 08, 2007

What exactly is a "Mom"....



I just really need to get some things off of my chest... I think I will feel so much better. This may be a bit long but I just need to get through this...
I always knew that I wanted to be a mother. Always. When I was little I had the doll that pee'd and pooed and you had to feed them or they would cry. I loved it. I am a very nurturing person by nature. But I always wanted to be a mom. I was BORN to be a mom. When I was 19 I got married. I was so young and innocent. We tried for about 5 years to get pregnant and no luck. We ran the whole gamete of infertility drugs. It really took a toll on my body and my head. But I would forge on for the sake of being a mother. We divorced after about 6 years of marriage. I think we were just to young, I don't know. Sure I mourned the unknown. The once upon a time. The happily ever after. But what I mourned the most was that I never got pregnant. Everyone said that it just "wasn't meant to be". How could it not be meant to be? Babies are wonderful and I was sure that being a mother was even more fantastic. I just knew that I would be that old lady that lived by herself forever and had 8 cats and always had cat fur on her. You can even ask my mom... that was what I was going to do. About 7 months later I was working with a dear friend of mine and her husband was a police officer. She said that she had a really great guy that she wanted to introduce me to. Yeah right... I wasn't falling for that. Been there, done that. After a month or two of begging on my friends part, I agreed to meet this mystery man. Boy am I glad that I did. He captured me heart and soul after I swore that I would never marry again. I did this, but not before telling him that I would never have children... the doctor said so. Sorry guy, if you want to bolt I will completely understand! Guess what... he stayed! He sure did. Nine months after we were married, guess what. Yep, I was going to be a mom! I could hardly stand it! I told everyone the very second that I found out! I had the most amazing pregnancy! Never sick, gained about 26 pounds, my hair was thick and shiny and I felt beautiful! I was going to be a mom! At 8:02pm on May14, all of my dreams came true. A bouncing baby boy! Oh and he was beautiful! He still is to this day! Of course we wanted more kids, but one thing lead to another and at 32 I had a hysterectomy. Yeah, that was no fun, but it was closure and I so needed that. We were already in the process of adopting and to be honest, I was more excited about having a daughter than I was sad about never carrying a child in my tummy. So we are waiting now on sweet Norah. I can't wait to see her and hold her and let her know that I am her mom. What I have learned through all of this is that being a mom isn't about carrying a baby in your tummy. It isn't about the maternity clothes and the labor and delivery. It is about carrying that desire in your heart to want to love and protect another little being and being the best mom that I can be. Who knows how many more kids we will have... does it matter that they have the Sharp features? The dark brown eyes, amazing skin, perfectly straight teeth? No, it doesn't matter to me. What matter to me is that all of my children, regardless of skin color and nationality, know that their momma loves them and feels so blessed that God chose ME to be their mom. I AM blessed. I know that everyday when he calls me his "girly-girl".

3 comments:

Janet said...

That was so lovely. It made me cry. And as the mum of birth and adopted children, I can confirm it doesn't matter how our children joined our family - they are our children and we love them all.
Love
Janet

lara said...

That really was lovely , I am sure you are a great mum now and will be to all the rest!!

Erica said...

As I sat waiting for my husband to come home, I decided to read some of the blogs that I had bookmarked from one of my yahoo groups. Yours was the second one I came to. Our stories are so similar. I have a history of infertility, one miraculous, awesome son, a hysterectomy at 32, and now we are adopting from China. Thank you for the words that you wrote. They so easily could be mine. I also LOVE the post about the reasons that you love your son -- (I also could have written that about my Zachary.). I am touched and blessed this night by your words. Thanks!