I knew that Norah's birthday would stir some emotions that would cause me to swallow the lump in my throat. I knew this. I just didn't believe it. I was at work tonight and as I looked at the clock at 00:05 on January 6, 2009, my mind was taken to a place that I have feared many times.
I began to immediately feel this soreness in my chest. A tightening that would wrap itself around my heart and just squeeze. A feeling of wanting to ball up in a corner and sob. A feeling of helplessness and tragedy.
I just think back to this day 2 years ago, and can only begin to feel what Norah's Birth Mother must have been feeling. To have her fate played out like it had with so many women in China. To give birth to this amazing creature that stirred inside of her for 9 months only to have that small one ripped out of her life forever. As a mother to Elias and Norah, hell nor high water could keep me from my children. There is not a mountain that I wouldn't jump nor an ocean that I would not swim to get to my children. And to loose all of that... I would be a shell of a woman.
To give birth to this perfect creature, this little girl named Norah, and know that she would eventually have to give her up... I am sure that this "birth"day was one of mixed emotions. To look into those eyes for the very first time and also for the very last. To kiss those sweet, sweet cheeks as she was cuddling her daughter and to kiss those same sweet cheeks as she said goodbye. The heartbreak would be unbearable. But today, I honor her. Norah's birth mother. The woman that gave birth to her somewhere in China. A woman that is no doubt thinking of her baby today. I hope that she has peace in her heart.
I know that Norah's birth mother will never read this. I know that things did not play out the way they have been depicted in this post. I know that the circumstances were different. But I hope and pray that her mother knew that halfway across the world, there was another mother praying for her and her daughter. Another mother that can't wait to see her sweet baby girl blow out her birthday candles. A mother that thanks her for being so courageous and so selfless.
Norah has been through so much these past two years. Her first six months with her birth mother. The next year with her nanny, and now with her forever family. I hope that I am one day as resilient as she is. She is amazing.
And she is my daughter.
I began to immediately feel this soreness in my chest. A tightening that would wrap itself around my heart and just squeeze. A feeling of wanting to ball up in a corner and sob. A feeling of helplessness and tragedy.
I just think back to this day 2 years ago, and can only begin to feel what Norah's Birth Mother must have been feeling. To have her fate played out like it had with so many women in China. To give birth to this amazing creature that stirred inside of her for 9 months only to have that small one ripped out of her life forever. As a mother to Elias and Norah, hell nor high water could keep me from my children. There is not a mountain that I wouldn't jump nor an ocean that I would not swim to get to my children. And to loose all of that... I would be a shell of a woman.
To give birth to this perfect creature, this little girl named Norah, and know that she would eventually have to give her up... I am sure that this "birth"day was one of mixed emotions. To look into those eyes for the very first time and also for the very last. To kiss those sweet, sweet cheeks as she was cuddling her daughter and to kiss those same sweet cheeks as she said goodbye. The heartbreak would be unbearable. But today, I honor her. Norah's birth mother. The woman that gave birth to her somewhere in China. A woman that is no doubt thinking of her baby today. I hope that she has peace in her heart.
I know that Norah's birth mother will never read this. I know that things did not play out the way they have been depicted in this post. I know that the circumstances were different. But I hope and pray that her mother knew that halfway across the world, there was another mother praying for her and her daughter. Another mother that can't wait to see her sweet baby girl blow out her birthday candles. A mother that thanks her for being so courageous and so selfless.
Norah has been through so much these past two years. Her first six months with her birth mother. The next year with her nanny, and now with her forever family. I hope that I am one day as resilient as she is. She is amazing.
And she is my daughter.
2 comments:
What a beautiful post. Happy Birthday to your sweet Norah. Blessings, Wendy
WOW!!! that was beautiful.
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