The Path...

I know that posts have been very far and few inbetween lately. There is a method to my madness and at times I do believe I am going mad.
When we first started this adoption, we were sooo excited. We told everyone we came in contact with but the biggest mistake was telling our son. Elias had been such a trooper though all of this and everything that he sees that is Chinese, looks chinese or could be chinese, he points it out and is so happy because that is where his baby sister is coming from. I know that all of this is taking forever for him, and I feel that it is taking forever too. When we first started this process, the wait was 12-14 months from the time our dossier was in China until we got our referral. Now the wait is up to almost 2 1/2 years and growing. Two and a half years. Wow. Try wrapping your mind around that for a minute. Elias will be almost 8, Shannon will be 39 and well, I will still be 19 of course. :) We STILL have not gotten our dossier out. Seems that everytime we try we hit a roadblock and something doesnt go right. Is someone trying to tell us something? Am I being selfish because I dont want to wait 3 years? I am just so torn right now. Sure there are other countries, and if we had maybe 20 grand more that may be an option. But it isnt. I am just really blah about the whole thing right now and pretty disenchanted about the adoption process in general. There are tons of babies that do not have moms and dads and brothers and sisters. They dont have anyone to tuck them into bed at night, no one to tell them that they love them. And I know that if you dont know any better then how can you miss something that you dont have. But I had it growing up and I think that everyone needs a mom and dad that love them. I just dont get life sometimes. This whole thing is really starting to stress me out and I am not sure that it should be. Shouldnt I be enjoying this??? Ugh. Thats it for now. Maybe later I will be in a not so foul mood. Peace and Love.