Cancel that order!!

I went to the UPS store to mail some Valentine's Day things to my
nieces and nephews up in Greenville. Elias, who is 5, came along with
me and on the way back to the car our conversation went a little
something like this:

E: Mom, you are always sending stuff to baby sister.
P: Really? When was the last time I sent stuff to her?
E: Remember that time we went with all of those super important papers?
P: Yes, Elias. That was the paperwork for China to say yes you can
have a baby sister! We don't even know who baby sister is yet, so how
can I send her anything?
E: Well, just for the record, you might want to cancel that order for
a girl. I want a brother.



What's a girl to do. I'll tell you one thing, I am not going to cancel
that order! He just needs to tell his daddy that he would like a baby
brother next time :) trying to talk the hubby into a next time :)
Silly kid :) I couldn't live a day without him :)

A Gift for Norah Catherine

My best friend Valarie sent Norah a package today :) She and I have been talking about how this wait really stinks and all of the techanicalities that go with it. So, being the super cool best friend that she is, she went on my registry and bought a few things for Norah and sent them to the house. Isn't that the sweetest? I really couldn't ask for a better friend and A.C. Love you! XOXOXO

I feel like I am going crazy...

So CCAI got their new SN list in! It could be any day for a phone call for us, but honestly that is the hardest part! Waiting! I am not a very patient person, I will admit! I have kept my phone attached to my hip, kept a paper and a pen with me at all times when I leave the house. That is crazy. I need to really rethink my thinker. I have NO control over when or IF we get the phone call. But I am obsessing. Shannon thinks I am obsessing. I don't think he fully gets it though. I check the yahoo group about 1000 times a day to see who got the latest referral (2 so far! yeah!!!!!!!). I need to get grip though. Really! Let me just check my email really quick and then I will get on that!

The Latest

I looked at this blog a few minutes ago and realized it has been a while since I posted!
The holidays were wonderful! Lots of food and family... just the way I like it! Elias really enjoyed Christmas this year and there is NOTHING like seeing Christmas through the eyes of a child! I must admit that I was kind of glad when they were over though! There is so much running around to do and that sometimes takes all the fun out of it! I usually try to do a Christmas letter to give everyone a recap of the year but to be honest I was too tired to do it this year! I was just so ready for 2007 to be over! It wasn't a very good year for me to be honest with you!
Elias lost another tooth about a week ago at school! So now he is a bottom snaggle toother! He thought that it was so cool that the tooth fairy left him 2 George Washington's ($.50) He is such a cool kid!
No word on the adoption front. I know, I am getting tired of saying it as much as you are tired of hearing it. Word on the street is our agency is getting a new list anyday now. When I talked to the ladies in the WC (waiting child) office the end of November, she said that we "may" be on this list and we may be on the next one. So, it could be anytime now, or sometime in March. I am really praying that she is on this list :) But I know that she will come home when it is her time to come home!
Hope all of you are doing well. I am going to try to go back to sleep... working nights is KILLING the sleep schedule! Peace and Love Always!

Do you have the toothfairy's e-mail address?

This is how my day started off. Mind you I worked Tuesday night and was TRYING to sleep on Wednesday when all of these shananigans took place.
Picture this...

I am asleep in my bed about 9:30ish this morning. Danielle was over babysitting because Elias is out of school for winter break. He is in the bed with me snuggled up watching TV. I'm a good mom, I know. Anyway, he wakes me up and from the way he is talking he sounds like he has marbles in his mouth. Now I was pretty out of it because I had been sleeping for about an hour or so. The conversation goes a little something like this:

E: Momma, wake up! Momma
P: Yes son, I am trying to sleep. What?
E: Momma, hold out your hand!
P: What? (I hold out my hand just to keep him happy)
E: (Spits his tooth in my hand) Look!
P: No way! Your tooth fell out! Good job!

He gets this really concerned look on his face at this point and I ask him what was wrong. He says:

"Momma, I am going to Coley's sleepover tonight. Can you email (THAT'S RIGHT MY FRIENDS HE DID JUST SAY THAT!) the tooth fairy and just let her know that I won't be home tonight, and to come tomorrow night?"

Sure I say! And just to put a spin on things I ask him if he knows the tooth fairy's email address.

"It's toothfairy@yahoo.com."

I love that kid more than life itself!

I will post pics of him when I get off this am!

XOXO

Still.....

I am really trying to be patient. I really am. It is just so hard after knowing that feeling of pure love. I am hoping that we hear something the next list which may come out in January. I am just not sure. I will be so happy to hear Pam's voice again...

Happy Holiday's everyone! XOXO

Beautiful...

I got these red thread bracelets in the mail today! Aren't they cool?? I opened them in the car on the way to see the Christmas lights and to get dinner. I put Elias' on him and told him that if anyone asked what it was he could tell them about baby sister. I was in the front seat with Shannon and I told him that I got him a bracelet too. I asked him if he would wear it and he said sure! I was kinda shocked really... I asked him of he knew what the Red Thread was and he said, "It is an ancient Chinese belief that there is a red thread that connects everyone that is supposed to be a family. And Norah is our daughter and we have to wear it until she comes home." I had tears fill my eyes. This man is beautiful. I am such a lucky girl :)

Ladybug, Ladybug

A ladybug landed on my shoulder today and took a little drive with me in the car... Hope that means something... only time will tell!

I think I can...

We made the traditional gingerbread train tonight! We had so much fun, and Elias ate more icing than he probably should have! Here are some pics from the festivities! This first picture is of course before....





THis is the icing that accidently made it into his mouth...



Hard at work...




And the final creation...

Must See !!

I saw this on another families blog! Make sure that you have a tissue handy... it's a tear jerker, but really makes you aware of what the birth-moms must go through when they have to give their children up. I could not even imagine the pain...

**make sure that you scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page and put this cool song you are listening to now on pause!**

From The Waiting Child

I saw you meet your child today
You kissed your baby joyfully
And as you walked away with her
I played pretend you'd chosen me.

I'm happy for the baby,
yet inside I"m aching miserably
I want to plead as you go by,
``Does no-one want a child of three?"

I saw you meet your child today
In love with her before you met
And as I watched you take her out
I knew it wasn't my turn yet.

I recognize you from last year!
I knew I'd seen your face before!
But you came for a second babe.
Does no-one want a child of four?

I saw you meet your child today
But this time there was something new
A nurse came in and took MY hand
And then she gave my hand to you.

Can this be true?
I'm almost six!
And there are infants here you see?
But then you kissed me and I knew
The child you chose this time was me.

by Debbie Bodie

Three Days Grace...

Tuesday, I was sitting at the kitchen table gluing on nails. When I get nervous, stressed out or anxious I bite my fingernails off and I put on fake ones so I will stop. It was such a beautiful day outside, about 70 degrees and I had all the windows open in the house. Elias was sitting at the kitchen table with me doing his homework. My phone rings and it is a 303 area code. Could it be? It's too soon! I thought it would be December or January before we got the call! Pick it up already! Hello? "Hi Penny this is Pam with CCAI waiting child program!" I know Pam! Pam! Holy cow its PAM! I try to stay calm and collected but my voice is cracking... "We have a little girl that needs a mommy and a daddy!" No way! At this point I am crying! I really tried to hold back! I walked outside with a paper and a pen because I felt like I was suffocating inside... A little girl! I take down all of the information and then it hits me! She has the same birthday as my dad! No way! I think a little more clearly... her name... her name is a nickname that we have called my sister for 18 years! It can't be! What? She was found by a police officer? My husband is a police officer! I am out of control! Pam tells me that she sent the emails with her picture. I open it up immediately, still on the phone with Pam. She is beautiful I cry! That's all I can get out at that moment. Beautiful! My daughter... sweet Norah! I call my husband, my best friend, my dad, my inlaws. Anyone that will listen, I tell them about my new daughter! Oh I love her! I go to work Tuesday night with no make-up on. I had been crying with joy the whole day and I would just ruin it if I had make-up on! I print out her picture and keep it in my pocket so I can show her off! Did I mention that she was beautiful?? We ordered Chinese that night at work to celebrate! Wednesday I go to breakfast with my best friend and we talk baby. Baby showers, baby bibs, baby bedding. My daughter! All of this time waiting, wanting and I am settled. We are now complete. We go to the baby store and walk around, looking at outfits, pappy's and bath toys. We finally perch into one of those ultra comfy cozy glider rockers. I will have to put this on my registry! I love these! We talk again about how cute she is and how perfect she is for our family. Thursday I finally have the time to do a little shopping. A few dresses here, a picture frame to send in her care package and a picture frame or two to put her picture in right next to our family picture. She belongs there you know, she always has. Perfect. I called a dear friend of mine in the parking lot to get yet another dress. She is pregnant! Oh, I love it! I am so happy for her! Go into the store and get the dress... I know what size to get! Yeah! I am walking back to my car and the phone rings again. Probably another well wisher! I have had the happiest conversations the last few days! 303 area code. It's Pam again. Yes we will take her! We love her! Pam says there is a problem. No, there can't be a problem! She is our daughter! CCAA is pulling her file because the orphanage director thinks she may be autistic. No! Please God no! Yes, it is so. But they will put us right back in line and we should hear something soon. No... she is my daughter!
But my hands are tied. I came home and sobbed for 2 days. I didn't get out of my pj's I just wanted to lay in the bed and cry. And I did. My daughter was gone. I saw her face and touched her picture 1,000 times. My heart was broken.
So, that is why I could not show myself on here. I knew that if I wrote, it would not be nice. Not something that I would want someone else to read... now or never.
I can breath again. The huge lump isn't there anymore when I talk about her. I just hope and pray that they evaluate her in the next few years and find out that it wasn't autism after all. That way she will have a shot at having a family of her own. If not, she will grow up in the orphanage. That is what kills me the most.
Those were the sweetest three days I have had in a long time.
I know that our daughter will come home in God's time and I know that He had a reason for doing this. Like my mom always says... In ALL things give thanks. And that is what I am trying to do everyday.

Goodbye for a while...

Due to recent events, I don't think that I am going to be posting on here for a while. I just need to take some time away and catch my breath. Please check back as often as you would like. I just need some time. Love to all....

Take a look!

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everyone! Hope that all of you and your kids have a safe Halloween tonight! Elias is going to be a pirate and I will post pics tomorrow sometime!

Be safe!!!

Brownie Points....

We went to my dad's 60th birthday party last night and for decorations they had lanterns hanging from the big trees in their back yard. Before I even noticed them, Shannon said, "Those would look so cool in Norah's room!"

Serious Brownie Points.....

Don't forget that November is National Adoption Month!

Later I will include some links for various organizations that provide care for orphans in China!

Be back soooooon!

XOXO

What exactly is a "Mom"....

I just really need to get some things off of my chest... I think I will feel so much better. This may be a bit long but I just need to get through this...
I always knew that I wanted to be a mother. Always. When I was little I had the doll that pee'd and pooed and you had to feed them or they would cry. I loved it. I am a very nurturing person by nature. But I always wanted to be a mom. I was BORN to be a mom. When I was 19 I got married. I was so young and innocent. We tried for about 5 years to get pregnant and no luck. We ran the whole gamete of infertility drugs. It really took a toll on my body and my head. But I would forge on for the sake of being a mother. We divorced after about 6 years of marriage. I think we were just to young, I don't know. Sure I mourned the unknown. The once upon a time. The happily ever after. But what I mourned the most was that I never got pregnant. Everyone said that it just "wasn't meant to be". How could it not be meant to be? Babies are wonderful and I was sure that being a mother was even more fantastic. I just knew that I would be that old lady that lived by herself forever and had 8 cats and always had cat fur on her. You can even ask my mom... that was what I was going to do. About 7 months later I was working with a dear friend of mine and her husband was a police officer. She said that she had a really great guy that she wanted to introduce me to. Yeah right... I wasn't falling for that. Been there, done that. After a month or two of begging on my friends part, I agreed to meet this mystery man. Boy am I glad that I did. He captured me heart and soul after I swore that I would never marry again. I did this, but not before telling him that I would never have children... the doctor said so. Sorry guy, if you want to bolt I will completely understand! Guess what... he stayed! He sure did. Nine months after we were married, guess what. Yep, I was going to be a mom! I could hardly stand it! I told everyone the very second that I found out! I had the most amazing pregnancy! Never sick, gained about 26 pounds, my hair was thick and shiny and I felt beautiful! I was going to be a mom! At 8:02pm on May14, all of my dreams came true. A bouncing baby boy! Oh and he was beautiful! He still is to this day! Of course we wanted more kids, but one thing lead to another and at 32 I had a hysterectomy. Yeah, that was no fun, but it was closure and I so needed that. We were already in the process of adopting and to be honest, I was more excited about having a daughter than I was sad about never carrying a child in my tummy. So we are waiting now on sweet Norah. I can't wait to see her and hold her and let her know that I am her mom. What I have learned through all of this is that being a mom isn't about carrying a baby in your tummy. It isn't about the maternity clothes and the labor and delivery. It is about carrying that desire in your heart to want to love and protect another little being and being the best mom that I can be. Who knows how many more kids we will have... does it matter that they have the Sharp features? The dark brown eyes, amazing skin, perfectly straight teeth? No, it doesn't matter to me. What matter to me is that all of my children, regardless of skin color and nationality, know that their momma loves them and feels so blessed that God chose ME to be their mom. I AM blessed. I know that everyday when he calls me his "girly-girl".

Good Choices!

This is the number of bears that Elias had to pull today! On Thursday of last week he had to pull one. Friday = None! And today, none!
For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about... The first teacher that Elias had he had to pull frogs when he was bad. He pulled like 3 or 4 everyday. He got a new teacher the second month of school who is just awesome. He has done really well, and she is really working with us and knows that Elias has/had a hard time in school. She has really been working with him and we have been working with him at home about making good choices and stuff. I am really proud of him! Last Friday he got "treasure box" and I thought he was going to explode he was so proud of himself! Way to go buddy!!!!